Valentine's Day survival guide for couples and singles

How to deal with unrealistic expectations on this hyped-up holiday.
By Carole-Anne Vatcher

For couples, Valentine's Day can be a fun, whimsical occasion or a deeply romantic affair. Unfortunately, the day can also create high expectations that result in disappointment.

For single people, Valentine's Day can be a painful reminder of the relationship they long for or the loneliness they feel in their lives. Here's how to manage the occasion, whether you're single or partnered:

For couples 1. Don't rely on your partner to read your mind.
If you have a dream or a specific desire for Valentine's Day, share it with your mate. If you want to be surprised, let your partner know. It's unrealistic to expect someone to know what you want and it sets you up for hurt or disappointment.
2. Give without expecting something in return.
If you anticipate receiving a gift and you don't get one, not only will you be disappointed, you can create the toxic culture of gift-giving in your relationship. Your mate may feel coerced or guilted into buying a present, and you won't take pleasure in something that was given half-heartedly. Only give what experience pleasure out of giving. No more and no less.
3. Be realistic.
Don't expect Valentine's Day to solve or fix problems in your relationship. Enough said.
4. Remember, it's only a day.
Be careful how you interpret your partner's lack of enthusiasm over Valentine's Day. Just because your mate forgets to buy you a gift or does something small doesn't mean he or she doesn't care about you. Consider your partner's actions over the entire year, not just on this day.
5. Do whatever fits for you, and be OK with that.
You don't have to do some big or crazy thing if it's contrived or doesn't feel right. Don't hold yourself or your couple relationship to some idealized standard or feel that your relationship doesn't measure up if you don't meet grandeur expectations.

For singles 1. Accept your emotions.
If you're feeling lonely because you're not in a romantic relationship, or sad over the recent ending of a relationship, give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Talk to a trusted friend or write in your journal about the feelings this day brings up. Remind yourself that it's only one day and that this day, too, shall pass.
2. Be social.
Organize a group of your single friends for dinner out or a potluck on Valentine's Day. Just because you're not in a romantic relationship doesn't mean that you don't have people who love you and whom you love in your life. Take this day to honour and celebrate these relationships.
3. Treat yourself to Valentine's fun.
Buy some flowers for your kitchen or a box of your favourite chocolates, schedule a massage or make an appointment at the spa. You're perfectly capable of treating yourself. You don't need a partner to do it.